The Warrior of the Worriers
This is for all of you who tend to feel (and think) a bit too much.
Now, I assume I don't really have to tell you what worriers do best. Obviously, they worry. But then again, we all worry to some extent. So where is the line between average worrying and something else? Well, usually the more excessive type of worrying tends to interfere with your life in different ways and could be linked to some other behaviour patterns such as difficulty making decisions, often feeling anxious or fearful, being very cautious or perfectionist, or having stronger reactions to changes for example.
If any of this resonates with you, then you my friend just might be my kind of person. I've been a worrier my whole life. If there's something that could go wrong, believe me, I've thought about it. Probably wrote it down. Thought about it some more. Had a panic attack and ended up shaking in a fetal position. All because of a thought. It's definitely not the most exciting life one could live. Meanwhile we have our warrior fellows running past us with a gaze that's determined to conquer any upcoming obstacle and not stopping for anything.
The balance
At this point I want to emphasize that none of this is meant to be a comparison or to say one is better than the other. In fact, we desperately need both of these types in our world. With the worriers there often is a certain type of deep sensitivity that comes along with the worrying. The worrier sees things from fifty different angles (hence the trouble making decisions), and also fifty different possible outcomes for each situation. Meanwhile the warrior sees five different angles and goes for one of them, maybe not even considering different outcomes but rather just expecting a desired outcome. Or if the outcomes are also considered, the warrior still keeps his / her mind set on the desired outcome and everything else will be sorted out later.
Without the warriors we would have a society or world that is very sensitive, and well, things would take a lot longer to get done. We would be sitting at a table writing out the pros and cons to every decision, scratching our heads and of course take into account everyone's opinions and feelings. At this point you might wonder, what's the positive side then? And the answer is the other side of that very same coin. Because of our sensitive and emphatic nature we are able to feel what the others might be feeling or thinking and we want everyone to be heard. When we use our worrying superpower right we can also save ourselves from some unwanted consequences because we saw it coming from a mile away through our sensitive "worry-antenna." That's why when making big decisions even on a global scale it is useful to have both kinds of minds working on solving problems.
HSP's - Highly sensitive people
Some of these types of worriers could also be considered highly sensitive people. The term highly sensitive person was originally coined by a psychologist called Elaine Aron in the 1990's. It's said to be found in about 15-20% of the population and also in over 100 different species. It's a an innate trait, and before was often confused with just being shy. Shyness however is learned while being highly sensitive is something you are born with. It does not mean that all worriers are highly sensitive however. But I would dare to guess that most highly sensitive people are worriers to some extent. Probably mostly because we do see those fifty sides to every scenario and decision. This makes us great at preparing for the worst, but not so great at taking risks and action and trusting that things will be alright. We're not the ones to be jumping head first into anything before we know all the facts or before we've had enough (by that I mean a LOT) of time to think it over.
For the highly sensitive worrier types it's also not uncommon to be overwhelmed with information that is coming from around us. And not just factual information. The moods of other people, the little details in our environment, the sounds, the smells, the visual information, you name it. Basically everything that can be sensed in one way or another. This in turn slows us down because it takes longer to process all this information, not to mention trying keep it together while processing it..
Living in a world that wants results NOW can definitely make it hard for HSP's to fit in easily. We might spend most of our lives feeling so different from everyone that the world can start to seem like our biggest enemy. A lot of times we just want everyone to slow down, just for a second so we can catch our breath and get a break from the hectic pace of our society. Unfortunately, so many of us have never even heard the term highly sensitive person let alone taken the time to actually understand what it means in reality.
Other traits of highly sensitive people might include the need to have a lot of alone time to recharge, being very easily overwhelmed, preferring to spend time with small groups of people instead of large crowds, being considered shy or sensitive as a child, being more sensitive to physical pains, often experiencing strong self doubt about oneself and having a rich and complex inner life. Many times the HSP's are also extremely creative and intelligent.
Change is a long process
To our warrior cousins it might seem like we spend most of our time just being still, not really moving into any direction. And at this point we usually get comments like "just do something!" or "just stop worrying so much!" and we might get even more stuck. Certain life events or changes might end up affecting us for the longest time, longer than even we ourselves can comprehend. Losses, break ups, moving to another place, new beginnings etc can stir up our emotions in such a profound way that we are left shaken up for a long long time. It's important to know that it is not only the "negative" events in life that leave us shaken up, because again even positive stress creates a lot of stimulation, especially for highly sensitive people. So events that others might see as (positively) exciting might feel like a complete chaos to us. Change equals a lot of stimulation and new information for anyone to process and for us it's multiplied times 100.
From over-worrying to understanding
As someone who has had to deal with worry, intense anxiety and fears a lot I would say that a good start is to realise that you're not the only one out there who is feeling like this. Elaine Aron first coined the term HSP and wrote a book called "The Highly Sensitive Person" about it because she herself was one of them and struggled with this trait for decades before finally starting to understand what it was. The research shows that highly sensitive people's brains actually work differently from people who do not share this trait.
As a worrier or an HSP, you might feel like an alien sometimes or even most of the time, and maybe you're not the first one to take big risks or action even when everyone else thinks you should. You might need a lot more time to do the same things your warrior friends did years before you. And chances are that they won't understand what makes it so hard for you, but that's ok. Keep taking small steps at a time and trust that what you have to offer to this world is just as important as what the warriors have.
We are all a mix of different attributes and it's good not to put ourselves in a certain box or under a label that defines how we see ourselves. I do however believe that it is helpful to learn about these kinds of traits to understand why some people work the way they do. We can avoid a lot of misunderstandings and frustration if we just understand each other a bit better instead of just assume we know what's going on when people behave the way they do. You might just as well feel tons of fear and worry even if you're more of the warrior type, or maybe you're a worrier who has found that warrior part of you inside and you just hold on to that for your dear life, it doesn't really matter. In the end we are all a lot more than just the boxes we tick.
I can only hope to give you a glimpse of understanding to what it's like to share these traits and maybe you learned something new or maybe this was old news to you. It's definitely a topic I could go on and on about and this was just a tiny scratch, but I'll save more for later.
Until next time,
-M
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